Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
