By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
