How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
