I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
