I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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