I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
