I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
