i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize