just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
