So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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