It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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