The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
