I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
