You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
