At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
