She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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