Four minutes until I can fart!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
