I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
