CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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