I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize