Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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