tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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