i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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