I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
