did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
