I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
