No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
