are you still at the devil's house?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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