There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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