How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize