i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Please don't give away my fajitas
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
