But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize