But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Terrible idea I love it
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
