she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
