I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
