I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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