if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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