Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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