I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
