Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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