Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
