that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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