I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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