You're my little dorito
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize