apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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