; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
you had me at cake vodka
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
