just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
