I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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