dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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