I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
