sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
