Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
