hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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