She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
