it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
