i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
