Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
