What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
