I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
