so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
