I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
