I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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