at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
