Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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