Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
