I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
