The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You were trust falling into bushes
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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