i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
