whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
