I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i think i just lost a toe
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
