i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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