fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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