3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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