respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
