i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That was before I lit my hair on fire
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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