I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
