it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
