I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
