I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
