I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
