I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
