oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
