I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
