My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
