If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
