Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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