Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
