Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
