honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
