i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
