And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
