I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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