Apparently you make a good broom.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
