been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
